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PRACTICING SPEAKING SKILLS Speaking for Self Statements * Gives information about your thoughts and feelings. "The way I see it is . . ." * Avoids blaming and attacking other person.
SPEAKING FOR SELF IS A WAY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR AWARENESS, FEELINGS, AND ACTIONS. IT DIFFERENTIATES YOUR EXPERIENCES FROM THE EXPERIENCES OF OTHER PEOPLE. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ AGREEMENT STATEMENTS - STATING WHAT YOU AGREE WITH THAT THE OTHER PERSON IS SAYING IS A GOOD WAY TO BEGIN STATING YOUR OWN OPINION. Agreement Statements * Highlight commonalties and areas of agreement.
* Build cooperative spirit "I can see that . . ."
AGREEMENT STATEMENTS OFFER MORAL SUPPORT AND COMMON GROUND AS A FOUNDATION TO CONTINUE CONVERSATION. IT CAN HELP YOU AND THE OTHER PERSON PREVENT AN ADVERSARIAL POSITION AT THE OUTSET OF A CONVERSATION. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ STATING A PREFERENCE - MAKING A CLEAR STATEMENT ABOUT YOUR CHOICES AND DESIRES. Preference Statements * Clarify your intentions and desires
* Provide information needed for negotiation
PREFERENCE STATING IS A WAY OF OFFERING YOURSELF TO ANOTHER BY GIVING CLEAR INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF. IT ELIMINATES ASSUMPTION AND GUESSWORK, AND OPENS THE WAY FOR NEGOTIATION. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Purpose Statements * To make your intention clear
* To make your action known
* To accomplish
PURPOSE STATING MAKES KNOWN YOUR INTENTIONS FOR ACTION SO THAT OTHERS ARE NOT UNKNOWINGLY OPERATING AT CROSS PURPOSES WITH YOU. IT ENABLES OTHERS TO RESPOND MORE READILY AND TO DETERMINE WHAT THEY CAN OR CANNOT DO TO HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR PURPOSES. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ LAUNDERING LANGUAGE - RESTATING WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS SAYING CATCHING THE ESSENCE, BUT TRYING TO TAKE OUT THE VOLATILE PHRASES OR LANGUAGE SINCE LANGUAGE REFLECTS PERCEPTION AND CAN ESCALATE CONFLICTS.
Unspecified noun or verb:
Speaking for others:
Using inflammatory language:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ PRACTICE SESSION Write a question or response to the following defective statements that would elicit helpful information: 1. They are just lazy, that's the problem. ______________________________________________________________________ 2. That's just the kind of person we're dealing with here. ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 4. The problem here is dishonesty. 5. People around here are cold and unfriendly. 6. Everyone in the office has trouble with her, that's just the way men/women are. 7. They're always messing around in our things. 8. No one gives a rip about how I feel. ______________________________________________________________________ 9. I'm afraid of what might happen. ______________________________________________________________________
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Reviewed/Updated: March 21, 2004